You’re probably wondering like “Why is this nigga writing a playoff edition of the rules three weeks after the playoffs started?” That’s a good question with a simple answer: the Lakers are in trouble, nigga. I really wanted to write this joint after that Game 2 debacle in Oklahoma City but I decided to chill. Unlike the thousands of heathens that bombarded Steve Blake’s mentions after he missed that game winning shot. Or the ones that destroyed Pau Gasol’s mentions in two different languages after that weak ass pass in Game 4.
But it all seriousness we have bigger issues to address. You niggas truly need to learn how to be fans. So I put together a few joints for you to look over before we get to the NBA Finals.
5. Never stop talking shit: There’s a saying in sports: if you’re going to go down, go down swinging. We’re fans though, so just substitute ‘swinging’ with talking shit. If it’s the 2nd quarter and your team is down 15…keep talking/tweeting. Trust me there’s nothing worse than giving up on your team before halftime only to see them make a glorious comeback in the second half. I don’t care if it’s late in the game you see niggas leaving their seats to hop in their whips…keep the tweets coming. If they lose, you’re a fan that kept the faith. If they win, you just earned yourself the right to use all caps in your victory tweets. Duke was down 10 on the road at UNC earlier this year. I never stopped talking and was rewarded with this Austin Rivers walk-off three-pointer. Plus, when the post-game tweeters start saying shit like “Laker (or insert your team here) fans real quiet,” you can easily direct them to your unwavering timeline of stick-to-itiveness.
4. Stop Hating Kobe: I know this a pretty biased rule but this is my blog fam. Let me clear some shit for you niggas, especially you Heat fans. I. Don’t. Hate. LeBron. I just think it’s extremely bad form for people to consistently compare him to Kobe. Kobe’s been the best player in the league since around the year 2000 or so. Not to mention he’s got more rings than any other player in the NBA right now. And just so we’re clear, i’m not going to list a bunch of Kobe’s old accomplishments here. Let’s talk about how he led the league in scoring all season until a late season injury put Kevin Durant in the driver seat by less than a tenth of a point. He’s a consummate professional whose will to win is never in question. He’s got the best footwork in the game and even though he’s 14 years older than some players in the league he consistently outperforms. When asked about comparisons, Jordan says Kobe is the only player who deserves to be mentioned. Respect him.
3. Cool Chics Watch Hoop: Even on some NBA shit I’ll find a way to recognize the women. Yeah ladies I see y’all. Nothing sexier than seeing tweets on the timeline from chics about bad calls by referees, clutch shots from Kobe or ugly player facial expressions. I mean, I don’t hate you chics that hate sports, I just know for a fact it’s cooler when a chic genuinely enjoys a good game. We don’t even have to be fans of the same team. Actually it’s better that way because the bets can get very interesting. Nevermind that though, I hate chics who refuse to get with sports just for the sake of not conforming. Then they want to look down on chics who watch with their dudes as if they sold out or some shit. I never understood that. Anyway, S/O to all you the ladies that know how many fouls it takes to be in the bonus.
2. Stick With Your Team: Yo, if you ride with the Knicks and the Knicks lose 4-1 in the first round…you don’t have a team in the playoffs anymore. You can still comment on other games. You can even still have a team you’d rather see win. But you can’t celebrate when a team that isn’t YOUR team wins a game. It’s just not right. Get your loyalty game together. That said, even though I’m a Laker fan…if the Thunder beat Miami in the Finals i’m celebrating. Fuck it.
1. Go Lakers. Ha.
That’s it. I had to get this shit out before the Lakers season ended or else I might not have written it.